In reality, there are a few relationships that are unworthy of saving. If you and your wife spent more time fighting than you did doing something good and fun, then perhaps you should consider moving on. If they were physically or verbally abusive, it probably wasn’t a healthy relationship. If they were mentally unstable, you probably are better off without them. If the relationship overall was a good one, and they weren’t abusive, and they were of sound mind, the following should help you and your wife get back together.

Pestering and pushing your wife isn’t a good idea. If you try to constantly get in touch with her whether its by phone, email, text message, or stalking her you’re going to do more harm than good. They will see this as a sign of desperation. This could actually push her further away rather than bring her closer to you.

Don’t argue, beg, or plead with your wife about your past relationship. It’s easy when you and your mind are all alone. Your mind manifests all sorts of “wrongs” that you may have done. Even when your wife broke up with you she may have given you reasons why. Now, you’re probably beating yourself up over them. You probably wish you had never done those things. The past is the past. This is the present.

If you get it in your mind that the relationship is currently over. You can’t go back in time, though you probably wish you could. Concentrate on what is going on now. The only thing worse than obsessively contacting your wife is to beg or plead with her. Making promises about how you’ll change, etc…, won’t help you and your wife get back together at all.

If you back off, give her some time, and live your life, you’ll be doing yourself a big favor in more ways than one. You’ll probably become more desirable to your wife because you’re allowing her to think about you and miss you. You’ll also be helping yourself to live a happier, more fulfilling life too.

First, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.

Next, you need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency. If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

Don’t keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. Assume everything you know will eventually come out. Secrets require enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.

Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don’ t make him or her guess what you need. Let them know. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish. Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

Sixth, learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you don’t need to say yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.

Finally, always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult.

When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain. But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.

Cheering for you,
Len

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So what should you do Now?

Sign up for our Relationship Rescue Report below and I’ll send you an action plan that you can begin to use right away to get your ex back. Then we’ll follow up with you each week or so offering additional tips and encouragement which we are confident will lead to the restoration of your broken relationship. Saving a relationship couldn’t be easier!

Restoring trust in a relationship requires some adjustments in actions and attitudes.  Even after an affair, you can save a relationship.  But it must start by building up a level of trust within the couple.

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray.  There may be something wrong at the core of the relationship.  But you can heal these core issues with some work.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed?  Was the sex humdrum?  Was she too busy for you?  Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the relationship was perfect.  So, what needs to be done to fix it?  Often the answer lies in self analysis.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems.  Sometimes that may mean going to couples counseling. But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough.  The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems. The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them.  If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it.  And, do it consistently.  When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed.  This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time.  You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course.  It will not be easy for her to forgive you.  If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever.  In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building.  Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident.  Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature.  Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in relationships takes time.  It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions.  But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.

Pulling For You,
Len

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So what should you do Now?

Sign up for our Relationship Rescue Report below and I’ll send you an action plan that you can begin to use right away to get your ex back. Then we’ll follow up with you each week or so offering additional tips and encouragement which we are confident will lead to the restoration of your broken relationship. Saving a relationship couldn’t be easier!

·    Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others
·    While your partner says they love you, their actions don’t back it      up.
·    Your partner is controlling – reading your mail or “showing up” at places you are just to      “check up” on you.
·    Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
·    You have changed things about yourself to please them.

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them.  So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship?  Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?

A toxic relationship has a cycle.  There’s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation – at which point the cycle begins all over again.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage.  It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship.  At that point, it is difficult to get out.

One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in unhealthy homes.  As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it.  They just don’t know any better.  Others believe they do not deserve happiness.  Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you DO have choices. Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself.  In most bad relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault.  Once you buy into this,  it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine healthy boundries these horrible relationships.

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycle of toxic relationships.  Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds. But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged.  Sometimes it takes a little space.  Other times, it takes counseling.  But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away.  If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection.  Don’t nag the other person.  Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”

If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street.  In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way.  You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

Pulling For You,
Len

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So what should you do Now?

Sign up for our Relationship Rescue Report below and I’ll send you an action plan that you can begin to use right away to get your ex back. Then we’ll follow up with you each week or so offering additional tips and encouragement which we are confident will lead to the restoration of your broken relationship. Saving a relationship couldn’t be easier!

What you are getting here is a list of some of the blogs which I like and visit frequently in the blogosphere grouped by their category.  I’ll be updated from time to time, so stay tuned.

Enjoy the list, and if you like or know other blogs you like, e-mail me or include them in the comment field, and I’ll take a look.

Great Blogs on Relationships

this time ~ this space
The CurvyGurl Chronicles
In Search of Meaning
Cyber Hot Flash
DC Dating Adventures
The Art of Love and Intimacy
Open Your Heart to the Love
The Honeymoon Phase
Ask About Love And Sex
The Date Girl Diaries

Great Blogs on Dating

The 15 Minute Dating Blog
Online Dating News Blog
Online Dating Blog
love in 90 days
Online Dating Blog
The Dating Matrix Blog
Dating DNA Blog
Dating Queen Dating Advice
The Dating Papers
The Dating Fish Bowl

Pulling For You,
Len Richardson & The Saving a Relationship Team

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So what should you do Now?

Sign up for our Relationship Rescue Report below and I’ll send you an action plan that you can begin to use right away to get your ex back. Then we’ll follow up with you each week or so offering additional tips and encouragement which we are confident will lead to the restoration of your broken relationship. Saving a relationship couldn’t be easier!