Restoring trust in a relationship requires some adjustments in actions and attitudes.  Even after an affair, you can save a relationship.  But it must start by building up a level of trust within the couple.

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray.  There may be something wrong at the core of the relationship.  But you can heal these core issues with some work.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed?  Was the sex humdrum?  Was she too busy for you?  Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the relationship was perfect.  So, what needs to be done to fix it?  Often the answer lies in self analysis.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems.  Sometimes that may mean going to couples counseling. But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough.  The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems. The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them.  If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it.  And, do it consistently.  When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed.  This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time.  You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course.  It will not be easy for her to forgive you.  If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever.  In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building.  Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident.  Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature.  Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in relationships takes time.  It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions.  But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.

Pulling For You,
Len

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So what should you do Now?

Sign up for our Relationship Rescue Report below and I’ll send you an action plan that you can begin to use right away to get your ex back. Then we’ll follow up with you each week or so offering additional tips and encouragement which we are confident will lead to the restoration of your broken relationship. Saving a relationship couldn’t be easier!

·    Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others
·    While your partner says they love you, their actions don’t back it      up.
·    Your partner is controlling – reading your mail or “showing up” at places you are just to      “check up” on you.
·    Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
·    You have changed things about yourself to please them.

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them.  So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship?  Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?

A toxic relationship has a cycle.  There’s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation – at which point the cycle begins all over again.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage.  It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship.  At that point, it is difficult to get out.

One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in unhealthy homes.  As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it.  They just don’t know any better.  Others believe they do not deserve happiness.  Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you DO have choices. Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself.  In most bad relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault.  Once you buy into this,  it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine healthy boundries these horrible relationships.

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycle of toxic relationships.  Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds. But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged.  Sometimes it takes a little space.  Other times, it takes counseling.  But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away.  If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection.  Don’t nag the other person.  Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”

If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street.  In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way.  You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

Pulling For You,
Len

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So what should you do Now?

Sign up for our Relationship Rescue Report below and I’ll send you an action plan that you can begin to use right away to get your ex back. Then we’ll follow up with you each week or so offering additional tips and encouragement which we are confident will lead to the restoration of your broken relationship. Saving a relationship couldn’t be easier!

What you are getting here is a list of some of the blogs which I like and visit frequently in the blogosphere grouped by their category.  I’ll be updated from time to time, so stay tuned.

Enjoy the list, and if you like or know other blogs you like, e-mail me or include them in the comment field, and I’ll take a look.

Great Blogs on Relationships

this time ~ this space
The CurvyGurl Chronicles
In Search of Meaning
Cyber Hot Flash
DC Dating Adventures
The Art of Love and Intimacy
Open Your Heart to the Love
The Honeymoon Phase
Ask About Love And Sex
The Date Girl Diaries

Great Blogs on Dating

The 15 Minute Dating Blog
Online Dating News Blog
Online Dating Blog
love in 90 days
Online Dating Blog
The Dating Matrix Blog
Dating DNA Blog
Dating Queen Dating Advice
The Dating Papers
The Dating Fish Bowl

Pulling For You,
Len Richardson & The Saving a Relationship Team

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So what should you do Now?

Sign up for our Relationship Rescue Report below and I’ll send you an action plan that you can begin to use right away to get your ex back. Then we’ll follow up with you each week or so offering additional tips and encouragement which we are confident will lead to the restoration of your broken relationship. Saving a relationship couldn’t be easier!

In this article, I will show you how to choose the best books on relationships and the advice may surprise you.  Read on…

First, don’t be fooled by a bunch fancy letters after a author’s name.  There are many people who find school to be a convenient escape from real life.  Instead of engaging with people, they spend their time in the classroom and library.  As a result, they end up with a lot of letters after their names by the time they hit age 35.  They use their degrees to indicate that they have “expert knowledge” about something.  But their lack of expertise in the real world leaves their advice lacking.

Instead, you should look for books on relationships by authors who have been in the trenches.  They’ve either put a bad relationship back together themselves or they have helped others do the same.  You also want to look for an author who has a heart for people and understands the hurt that can be caused by a bad break up.

Next, you want to find books that don’t simply tell you to “put the relationship aside for 30 days and work on yourself during that period.”  This is what most all of the “save your relationship” or “get your ex back” reports say.  Many of the ebooks on the market turn that concept into 50 page documents.  These are just pieces of fluff and don’t deserve your attention – or your money.

Instead, you should look for a book that will give you new information; information that you’re friends can’t give you.

For instance, will the book tell you what women crave the most?  Will it give you a step by step guide for how to give it to her?  Will the book show you how to recover from an affair?  Will it give you specific techniques to get relief from your pain?

Finally, look at who is recommending the book.  Do the testimonials seem a little generic?  Do they appear to have been written by the author’s brother and second cousin or by real people and experts.

You want to find books on relationships that come recommended by a wide variety of people, in various situations, from all walks of life.  If it looks like both a guy from England and a newly engaged woman from Kansas have used the book, chances are it will work for you.

There are many books on relationships on the market.  Unfortunately, most of them are drivel because they weren’t written by someone in the trenches.  As a result, they have generic advice that could be best summed up in a paragraph or two.  That’s why many of the recommendations the book gets are generic in nature, because the book really has nothing going for it.

Finding the best books on relationships can take a little work.  But, everything about relationships are work.  Shouldn’t you invest the time and money in the very best book out them?

Recommended Reading:
The Magic of Making Up

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So what should you do Now?

Sign up for our Relationship Rescue Report below and I’ll send you an action plan that you can begin to use right away to get your ex back. Then we’ll follow up with you each week or so offering additional tips and encouragement which we are confident will lead to the restoration of your broken relationship. Saving a relationship couldn’t be easier!